Being Mormon

I lost my muchness, but I’m back with a vengeance.

Hello, 2018! I’m finally ready for you. Are you ready for me?

Today is no different from any other day except that today I finally feel like writing.

When I logged in here to see when my last post was, I was shocked to see that it was…one, two, three, four, five…FIVE MONTHS AGO!

Apologies.

Apologies to myself (and to you). If I want to call myself a writer, I must show up and do the work. I’ve not posted because my writings not been ‘worthy’ of a post but that’s just the excuse I’ve been feeding myself.

The truth is I lost my muchness. Sometimes that happens to me…

depression

dɪˈprɛʃ(ə)n/

noun 

feelings of severe despondency and dejection. “Self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression”.

That dreaded word that I hate using to describe myself. But just like Alice, I got through my darkness and my muchness has returned…thank goodness! Phew!

So my secret is out. Sometimes I get sad and my muchness drains out of me but what I’ve learned as I get older is we all have our moments of unwellness and don’t let it define who you really are.

So I ride the dark wave as best as I can. I try my best to do all the “healthy” things and I stop looking at Facebook. I trim my life down to the basic necessities and cut out all the extras (like feeling the need to keep up with my blog), until one day I wake up and I feel like me again. I want to shout from the rooftops…

“I’M BACK BABY!”

So this is just a short post to say Thank you.

Thank you for still following me.

Thank you for your patience and thank you for not giving up on me. The last half of 2017 kicked my butt a little but it didn’t defeat me.

♥, Kaylynn

 

 

 

13 thoughts on “I lost my muchness, but I’m back with a vengeance.”

  1. Almost all of us women have been there at different times. It’s the worst! We can empathize completely. Mine was postpartum and then turned out to be more chemical as the years went on. It was also a touch of SAD. After menopause, it got much better and now, as I’m older, it is simply a great contentment. Through the years I have tried to find simple ways to combat it. The best way is to get into a different situation temporarily…take a walk, visit a friend or shut-in, do service, and force a smile…surprising what that can do. Love you and I remember the cute bubbly girl that used to come to my house.

  2. Welcome back Kaylynn! It’s always a pleasure and so insightful to read your blog. We are all here waiting for you, whenever the time is right and you are ready. 💖. P.s So glad to get to hang out with you at canteen again!

  3. I love your honesty. You are so brave to write of your inner turmoil. Many will relate. Thank you for sharing and welcome back!

  4. So happy you are back! I get in those ruts/funks myself. Ride out the bad and enjoy the good. I love reading your blog. Hugs!

  5. It’s somehow comforting to know that other people who I think are so strong go to that dark place called depression. The thing I hate about it is that when It consumes me I can’t see others pain and needs. Thanks for sharing Kaylynn. So glad you’ve got your muchness back. Love you. 😘😘

Let me know what you think of my post